my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize