I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
this is an emotional support booty call
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
