She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
