there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize