Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
