wrigley field is MILF paradise
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
