I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
