Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
