you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
