I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
