Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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