I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
