i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize