Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
