doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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