party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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