im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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