her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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