pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
