remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
