I wish my penis had an off switch
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
