Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
And my parents said I crawled through the house
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
we're so committed to being not committed
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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