I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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