Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
