dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
