if i can run in heels then i can drive
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
