i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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