I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
