you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
