the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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