Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he shaved USA in his pubs
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
