I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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