do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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