he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
