just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
