Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
