I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize