tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
