Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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