Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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