I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm always down for nudity.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
