idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
