I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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