Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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