all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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