I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
