I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
