she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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