We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
