They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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