good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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