Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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