Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
