K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
