i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
