with your own penis?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
