dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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