i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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