I like to think it a success when the cops are called
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
