Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Nicole vs. Life
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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