cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My life is pants optional.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
