I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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