So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
