Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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