Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
