He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
