: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
