I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
